I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
