Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
