well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
