I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
