Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
