I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
