so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
