This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
