So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
