someone threw a dead crab at me
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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