He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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