Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
