how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
