Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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