i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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