I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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