addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
