We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
