My friends, they love my intelligence
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
