my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Four minutes until I can fart!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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