Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
