Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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