My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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