I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
