Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
