Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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