whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
