Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
