Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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