I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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