dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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