I got chris browned last night
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
