I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
