He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
