Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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