It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
