Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."

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(206): View more from Washington

If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.

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(602): View more from Arizona

Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend

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(816): View more from Missouri

My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.

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(716): View more from New York

I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out

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(702): View more from Nevada

I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.

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(513): View more from Ohio

I will feel awake by 6 pm

(937): View more from Ohio

Are we not meeting until 6?

(513): View more from Ohio

No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party

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(310): View more from California

Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk

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