So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
