Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
