My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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