fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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