Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
