Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
