Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
