i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
