I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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