the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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