i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
