so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
