tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Randomize
