yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
