It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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